Huis Clos Wide Open
by efteraer
Summary: The aftertaste of a decision


Summary: The aftertaste of a decision…  
Ship: Sarkney  
Rating: None  
Timeline: AU  
Disclaimer: Characters and concept belong to ABC, JJ Abrams and so on…story to me…  
Status: Complete

He can still hear her breathe, the soft steady rhythm as familiar to him as his own. She is still here, standing so close and he would only need to get up from his current position and cross the room to be standing next to her and yet, she couldn't be farer away. Worlds could fit between them and still he feels so desperately close to her, that it pains him to think that in a few hours, she won't be there anymore, not today, not ever.

He fiddles his glass idly while cradling his head in his other hand, sitting hunched over on the couch. A spare second later, the glass explodes in a million sparkling pieces against the opposing wall. He feels her flinch, feeling it more than actually seeing it, still in sync with her reactions, wonders if he will ever feel estranged from her again, wishes for it, it would make everything just a bit easier. She doesn't turn around and he knows it is better that way. He thinks that if she would look at him now, he would simply break and God, he is tired, so tired.

He should have known from the start that it would end in a disaster, he shouldn't have started it at all in fact, strings were a fickle thing to handle and commitment hadn't been on his CV anyway, but it had been her, he'd never been able to resist her and he felt himself drawn in, drawn downwards faster than he could have blinked an eye.

Who had he been to deny her comfort and support after she had been betrayed by her father, after she had lost all she held dear in this life, after she had to realise again and again that she was all but a pawn in this game, too vast and mysterious to ever fully understand; denying her would have been like denying himself

He is regretting their decision more with every passing second and all the while he knows he will keep his promise and not try to dissuade her, knows that it will ultimately be for the better that she is leaving here now, leaving him now and he wonders when he became so good at lying to himself.

She is looking out through the bay window, but her eyes don't register the beauty of the landscape, and her breath hitches when she hears the clinking sound of the empty glass he's playing with and she thinks it would have been better if she had left straight away, but she can't. She can't bear the thought just yet, that if she leaves this room now, it will be for good.

She jumps when she sees him lifting his arm out of the corner of her eyes, even before her brain can register the impact of the glass, but she doesn't turn around. She doesn't feel brave enough to deal with the disappointment that would hit her, if she turned around, foolish disappointment, because he would keep his promise, despite his obvious frustration and wouldn't try to make her stay, to make her change her mind about what they have decided, or more precisely what she has decided.

She knows better than to think whatever he said was real and not just out of respect for her wishes, for what she thinks is right for her.

She wonders when exactly he became so selfless and somehow the better person in their relationship. When did he become so understanding and she can feel the anger flare up in her and God, why does she always make such a mess of things.

She wants to convince him to just forget about what they've decided minutes ago, but she isn't sure she could. She can feel the regret oozing from him and still she isn't sure she could make him go back on their agreement. It feels wrong and unsettling, how he has become this other person the minute he realised that this is what she thinks she needs, even though she can't remember a single reason or argument anymore now. She wishes she could change, turn around and make him see, that she is different too and that he doesn't have to be strong for both their sakes.

And she knows she made him promise so she can't go back on her decision and she hates her stubbornness and she is scared. Scared that for the rest of her life she will be convincing herself that this is for the best and she hopes she will be good at lying to herself.


End file.
